Skeletons and Swords
by Satella's Love
Summary: The Skulduggery gang try and cheer up Tanith after she gets depressed over Ghastly's death. Unfortunately, they get trapped in a virtual reality game, where dying is possible! Will they survive? (Probably.) Will they meet Kirito-kun? (Yup!) Why am I asking you these questions? (You will never know!) Have fun reading!


A/N: Hi, this is a story that I came up with ON my own, even if Scarlet Guardian prompted me... So, have fun reading and I guess I have to give credit to Scarlet Guardian who edited it.

SAO belongs to Reki Kawahara. And unfortunately, Derek Landy owns Skulduggery Pleasant. ;-;

Chapter 1

"La, la, la, di, la, la, la, di!" A blonde teenager around the age of seventeen was singing into his toothbrush in a very average apartment bathroom. When he was done singing, he looked himself in the mirror, the only accessory that really popped. It had marker drawings all around it, the drawings were all of hair gel. He drew a breath and began his pep talk, "Okay, okay, you can do this Fletch just don't get emotional. It's easy, right?"

He opened the mirror and picked out a bottle of hair gel from his _extensive_ stores. Styling his hair, he continued 'singing'.

After he finished making half of the world's ears bleed, he picked up the landline phone and with dread building in his chest he called someone who he hadn't talked to in a _very_ long time.

"Briiiiing! Briiiiing!" There was a pause on the phone as the person on the other side picked up.

"Fletcher?" A tired voice queried.

"Yeah, it's me, just listen could you, um, come over to my place? Uh, I mean I could teleport you over if you want, because you're probably in England and all that…" He trailed off unsure of himself.

"I-I don't know. What's this for?" The voice asked, weary.

Fletcher sighed, "It's a surprise, but it isn't a Fletcher surprise, this is something that Val came up with." Fletcher paused, "Please come." He whispered into the phone.

A very despondent reply came from the phone, "Okay, okay. But only because Val wants me to." The voice reluctantly added, "I'm in my apartment."

Fletcher teleported to a room he had been to once or twice and without waiting for a sign of acknowledgement grabbed the wrist of the only occupant in the room. She had been sitting on an old wooden chair and reading it seemed, something familiar. He smirked as he saw dozens of books scattered across the table. All of the books had the same author, one Gordon Edgely.

Ignoring the horror novels he turned to the blonde in front of him. "C'mon, don't be so down." He said transitioning into his natural optimistic state, "There's places to go and things to do!" he chirped, now upbeat.

Without waiting for a reply, he teleported them back to his apartment.

* * *

She anxiously paced the carpet of Fletcher's mundane apartment. Fidgeting she turned to her mentor, "Well?" She snapped irritated.

He cocked his skull at her, "Well, what?"

"Do you think it will work?" she asked, desperate.

He stared at her, his black holes observing the annoyed twitching of her eyebrows.

"I don't know, but I hope it will. On a lighter note, it was a brilliant plan making Fletcher call, that way she won't suspect a thing, as your teacher I am quite proud."

A pause.

"Of myself that is."

She snorted, she couldn't help it. He always knew what to say. The mood lightened as she joked back, "Oh, of _course,_ because all of those 'Let's Make Good Plans' lessons _really_ helped." Sarcasm dripping from her words.

A skeletal hand clutched his chest area, around where his heart would have been. "You wound me so, with those scathing words of yours."

She smirked "Good."

Suddenly, the door flew open as Fletcher in all of his hair gel glory strode into the room with his chest puffed out, "Peasants, make way, your king has arrived!"

Skulduggery pushed with his gloved hand, making a concentrated burst of wind. Which threw Fletcher out of the room and past the door, right into an unsuspecting Tanith who caught him with an 'Oomph!'

Valkyrie smiled as Tanith dropped Fletcher onto the floor and rushed towards her, "Val, it's been so long!" Tanith embraced her with the love of an older sister.

Laughing, Valkyrie just replied with a soft, "I know."

Silence descended on the room as everyone standing grabbed a seat and stared awkwardly at each other. "So, why did you call me here?" Tanith asked, curious.

"Ah, well, if I may answer, we have called you here so that you get over your, depression." Skulduggery smoothly answered.

"Uh, guys what depression?" Her eyes darkened as she obviously began brooding over her love's death.

"Ghastly," She flinched. "Has died." Skulduggery bluntly stated.

Eyes blazing, she turned to the skeleton her hands curling into fists.

"Tanith!" Valkyrie interrupted, "What Skulduggery," She glared at the person in question, "meant to say was that, you need to stop. You aren't yourself anymore."

Tanith stayed silent for a long while before finally asking in a trembling voice, "Wh-what do you want?"

Fletcher sighed running a hand through his spiky hair, "Well, we were planning to play this really cool game where you can kick butt and feel better about it."

Tanith inclined her head slightly, indicating her agreement to play.

They all filed into Fletcher's room where four strange devices were on the bed. Tanith inspected them suspiciously, "Yeah, I don't think so. These are the shadiest things I've ever seen, look at the label 'connect to your nervous system.' It could torture us to death!" she exclaimed.

"Yeah right, just calm down, we'll be fine." Fletcher reassured her. After a moment of re-reading the instructions, and then following the aforementioned instructions, they were ready.

"Alright, everyone got their helmets on?" Fletcher asked. After receiving noises of agreement he shouted, "Link start!"

* * *

In an unknown place, four figures blinked into existence. Skulduggery looked around and observed their surroundings. They were in a town square, with cobbled streets as well as old fashioned wooden houses. Around them other players bustled to and fro going through with their business whilst NPCs shouted out their automated scripts.

Their group blended in perfectly, as they all had beginner's clothes on. Fletcher looked buffer than normal with even spikier hair than his usual. He grinned crazily, as his eyes drank in their surroundings. Above his head was black text saying, 'Fletch'.

Valkyrie looked like normal, with black beginner's clothes (Including a black coat.), creating a slight gothic appearance. Above her head was the text, 'Stephanie'

Tanith had as Valkyrie had done, customised her character to look exactly the same as she did in real life. Her username was, 'Tanith' and her only feature was a long brown coat that swept down to the ground, perfect for concealing a sword.

Skulduggery had sent everyone into laughing fits as he had chosen to look outlandish and very strange. He had a rainbow afro, A NEON SUIT and sunglasses. His username was, 'Pleasant'

"Well, let's get acquainted with our new surroundings." Skulduggery said in a smooth voice that contradicted his appearance.

* * *

After three hours, everyone had all the basics down and were ready to actually start levelling up, instead of reading through manuals and fighting low level monsters. They were just about to head into the woods when a blinding flash encompassed them.

Fletcher smiled, giddy with joy, as he realised that teleportation was possible. Everyone else groaned, thinking it unfair that Fletcher would get to use his powers while they were stuck as mortals.

They looked around and noticed the surrounding scenery, the Town of Beginnings, their starting point. Around them, were thousands of players, they were all in the town square. Prepared to ask a few questions Skulduggery tapped the shoulder of a young man, only to be ignored.

Suddenly, a looming red figure appeared in the now crimson sky. "Hello players, I am Kayaba Akihiko, the creator of this splendid game. Now, as most of you must have noticed, the 'log out' button is missing, this is intentional." Kayaba paused and chaos erupted.

Players clamoured, gossiped and whispered to their friends. Some believed Kayaba to be a crackpot others assumed he wasn't lying and began praying to god or yelling at the red figure. Many, began verifying that Kayaba wasn't lying about the logout button. Kayaba must have gotten sick of the loud noise because instantly everyone was muted.

"Silence!" He took another pause before continuing on, "Before any of you think about somehow trying to manually disconnect, doing so will result in the helmet shooting deadly voltage into your nervous systems, in short, you will die." The tension and panic noticeably increased.

Fletcher shifted his feet well aware of Tanith's sharp eyes mocking him. Thanking his lucky stars that they were muted, he began dreading the moment when the mute was taken off and he got the most embarrassing tongue lashing of his life. Silently, he cursed, how in the world had Tanith even managed to guess what was going to happen?!

Kayaba continued once more, "So basically, if you die in game, then you die in real life. The only escape is through the clearance of Floor 100's boss, have fun! Before I leave, I will bestow upon you a gift! The gift of true sight." He said with a great flourish, hands mimicking a god's pose.

In everyone's inventory a mirror appeared, excitedly Fletcher equipped it. His new found muscles disappeared with a blinding flash and his hair, while retaining its spikiness seemed to diminish a little. He groaned in disappointment as players all around them reverted to their real life bodies.

Tanith and Valkyrie stayed the same. Skulduggery's body stayed the same, to the disappointment of Tanith who had wanted to see a literal skeleton walking around and scaring players. His afro disappeared replaced with a shorter haircut, and his face stayed the same.

With a shrug Skulduggery said, "They most likely took our measurements from when we patted ourselves, my façade was on then because I thought it might be useful. Looks like I was right, once again." He finished smugly.

After Kayaba delivered his final message, he disappeared.

* * *

What followed after was the most chaotic and tumultuous scene Valkyrie had ever had the misfortune of witnessing. Some players ran in random directions, others just stayed dumbstruck, kids cried for parents and only a select few moved with purpose. Valkyrie stood motionless half shocked, half angry. "Oh, of course! Just after we save the world from RAVEL, WE HAVE TO SURVIVE A BLOODY BATTLE ROYALE!" her brain shouted.

Thankfully, before she could start throwing her tantrum, Skulduggery dragged everyone away into the inn that they were renting. Tanith yelled at Fletcher the whole way there. Resulting, in him retaliating by claiming that there were ten thousand other players who had fallen for the death trap's trick.

They crowded around a rickety wooden table and began discussing their plans, "Right, would you two please be quiet, just so we can actually decide what we're doing?" Skulduggery pointedly said to Fletcher and Tanith who were arguing like toddlers. They contritely nodded their heads.

"I suggest we just fight our way to the top. We're all skilled enough to do it and well, I don't like pinning our chances on nerdy shut-ins who have probably never even fought a real fight," Tanith said.

"That's exactly what I was thinking!" Skulduggery agreed enthusiastically.

Fletcher poked him, "You didn't actually have a plan did you?"

Skulduggery sighed, "Dear, or maybe not so dear Fletcher the truth is, I told Tanith, so she would get a taste of what it felt like to actually contribute."

Tanith snorted, "Yeah, right. I contribute all the time."

Valkyrie cleared her throat, "So, Step 1, Kick the bad guy's butt. Step 2, enjoy spoils of war."

"See! Those 'Let's Make Good Plans' lessons really did pay off!" Skulduggery exclaimed.

Valkyrie deadpanned, "We only had one lesson in which you told me, and I quote, 'A good plan always, always, contains an octopus.' You then left the room while randomly stumbling into things."

Skulduggery coughed, "I was drunk."

Fletcher's head shot up from its resting position, "Can you actually get drunk?" Tanith looked up her interest piqued as well.

Skulduggery's immediate response was, "Of course!" while Valkyrie responded at the same time, "No, he can't but he likes to pretend he can."

* * *

They stayed like that all night, making light banter as if a life threatening situation was the complete norm, which in their case it was. Meanwhile, in the real world, the Grand Mage of Ireland, China Sorrows was having a rather stressful day.

She glared at the mountain of paperwork on her desk, turning back to her audience, she announced, "Right, well in regards to this tedious and all around bother, I say you should just get Skulduggery to fix it." She muttered as an afterthought, "It usually works."

A mouth opened in protest, "Ahem! Uh, about that, you see Skulduggery Pleasant, Valkyrie Cain, Fletcher Renn and Tanith Low have um, all been found in Renn's apartment. Immobilised."

China's eyes widened, "Who incapacitated them? Oh, no, we have _another_ bloody bad guy on our hands, don't we?"

The elemental opposite her shifted his feet, "Not quite madam, they were found with Nerve Gears on their heads, we have them in the infirmary."

China choked, "Are-are you saying that our _best_ operatives have been taken out by a _game_?!"

The unfortunate messenger coughed, "Y-yes, they have indeed been taken out by the very game that you were going to send them to investigate."

China's demeanour, suddenly, had a complete turnaround, she smiled like a shark, "Well then, I don't see why you're here."

The elemental looked at the Grand Mage in disbelief, "B-but they're incapacitated, we need someone to investigate this! There are other known sorcerers who have been trapped in the blasted thing!"

China huffed, "You really are thick aren't you? Skulduggery is currently inside this virtual world, right? Well, in that case it would seem he has jumped at his chance and taken the initiative for once. End of story, now shoo, shoo I have work to do."


End file.
